


gloom

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 03:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20382589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: #5





	gloom

**Author's Note:**

> warning!!!  
triggering material mentioned,  
like self-harm

When I was eleven, I began to realize something was wrong. There was something looming above. A small thing can snowball. Don’t forget that.

So the small little handful of snow started with my friend showing me his scars. I’m sure I was supposed to react in some other way than silently staring. I apologize, I didn’t know better.

The handful of snow was pushed, and more gathered. I was curious. I wanted to know more. I looked to the internet. It is a good place to get information, after all.

The handful of snow rapidly grew into a melon sized ball. I stole a box cutter from the toolbox. Don’t worry, they were only little scratches, hardly bled.

The snowball grew bigger than me. I gathered multiple pencil sharpeners. My cuts covered my thighs. They stood like soldiers, all perfectly aligned. My mother always did call me a perfectionist.

At twelve, I began getting tired of pushing this big ol’ snowball around by myself. I told my cousin. I guess I finally knew how my friend felt. My cousin stared, shocked. Then cried their eyes out. I’m not good at emotions, so I awkwardly tried to fix what I had done.

As it turns out, my cousin probably wasn’t the best person to tell. Especially when they used our secret as blackmail. I really walked into that one.

Thirteen, I finally figured out I was being played almost the entire time! My cousin had already told their entire family! And yet, they all did nothing. That kinda sucked.

Uh, still thirteen. So since it was out, it became even more out! My aunt thought the best time to tell everyone was when the family was arguing. Don’t know how she got that idea? Oh well, anyways! My grandmother seemed very aggravated, my grandfather was silent. My brother kept glancing at me. All in all, it was very uncomfortable. The real catch though, was when my grandmother told me I needed to tell my mom. I asked where she was. She was in the backyard of course. Breathing in her cigarette like it was keeping her alive. It’s killing her. I’m killing her. If I told my cousin, I could tell my mom right? So I just blurted it out. She was silent. Really seeing a trend here, with the silences. She just looked at me. It was like I could just got a glimpse of her soul. I knew I had to ask her. I did. I already knew, but didn’t like the answer given. She suspected the entire time, but didn’t do a single thing. Not even a word of encouragement! I didn’t know what to do, so I just went back inside.

Yep. Still thirteen. The snowball was still an absolute giant. I didn’t stop, even though they all knew. They didn’t do much either. I just handed them some of my least favorite blades, and they accepted them as if it was the only ones I had. That was that. So I just kept on. But finally! Something new happened. They signed me into therapy. It worked well enough. Therapy was the sun, melting my snowball.

Okay, fourteen. No therapy, but also no cutting. There were urges, but I managed. Fourteen was a good year!

Fifteen. Relapse, feeling like dirt on a shoe, resulting in even more cuts. Not telling anyone. Oh! Except you. I’ve told you more than most people in my life. You’re either lucky or really unfortunate.


End file.
